The past week, I have been involved in some great debates. Some inclusive of the honey and his friends and some of just us girls. More of these debates will appear in future posts.
I never realized the responsibility of motherhood until the responsibility was mine. Until i was a teenager I never knew when times were tight or when there were issues in our home. We were taught to stay out of grown folks business. But to an extent I wish that wasn’t the rule. I feel some grown folks business should have been shared. Because I never saw or understood when a sacrifice was being made. I never realized all that my mother went through to raise us. I knew my mom worked 3 jobs and I spent a lot of time with my grandparents. Never realizing until I got older that she sacrificed so much to keep a roof over our head. She had us involved in every activity and program you could think of. She picked us up and dropped us off, just so we would be somewhere safe for her to go back to work. Im still trying to figure out how she did it. Now Work Ethic was never an issue for my siblings and I. That’s one trait I know we all got from my mom. But I know a few things I lacked because my one on one time was divided in 3 while my mom worked 18 hour shifts. My sisters and I had such an age difference that by the time I needed someone to talk to; they were off doing their own thing. Like when I first got my period, I was at a family friends house after school. Luckily she had 10 children, 9 of them girls, who gave me my 1st period lesson. By the time I got home that night I think I avoided even discussing my period. But as I look back I was embarrassed by the fact that I went through this change in my life at somebody else’s house. I felt yucky and uncomfortable. We talked later but it was not the same. I needed that talk about my body, my feelings, my emotional changes. As I got older I felt more comfortable having those candid conversations with my mother. But I wish we had them more often when i was young.
In school, health education was the class that talked to you about your body and sex. But that class only discussed sexually transmitted diseases and nutrition. And it’s funny that now when we have these conversations my mom says ” well I thought they covered this stuff in health class”. Really???
What they don’t teach you is how to deal with changes in your body when it is relevant to you. After my first child my body changed soo much. I gained weight that I didn’t know how to deal with. I was 23 and none of my close girlfriends had children. I had these big swollen milk machines and just my luck my mom never wore a bra in her life. Her mosquito bites knew nothing of a double D. I had this extra kangaroo pouch tag-along post pregnancy to keep dry every day because my hormonal changes kept giving me hot flashes. Then I was a dancer most of my life, so even though I was PHAT, I was in shape. Now, my feet swelled like elephant hooves. I was in single digit sizes and hopped to double. Not no 10-12, i mean real double digits and I’m 5’2″. WOAH There, sooo not cute! And feeling like that commercial “I’m tired of my thighs rubbing together”, I had to reteach myself everything I knew about my body. I have to exfoliate and powder body parts I didn’t have before. I had to start a whole new routine that added an extra 20-30 minutes daily.
The reason I’m bringing this up is because times have changed and we need to make sure we have open discussions with our children. Not when something happens but before. Tell them the truth, give them pros and cons of life and keep an open line of communication. Like I explained before our 9 year old is maturing before our eyes and we have made the decision to really sit down with him to discuss relationships and the responsibility that comes with them. We have equally decided against the sex talk for now, but we are hoping the basics will postpone that for a year or two. Regardless we want to be the ones to divulge information properly, instead of all types of nonsense from his peers. Daddy will still chair the private discussions, but Mommy will get all details. I love being able to tell my kids where we started, where we messed up and how we made it through.
Do you talk to your children? Would you tell them about your failures and your achievements? What age have you or will you talk to your child about sex?