Habits of the Heart

Last night as I reorganized my closet, we laughed and joked about things I used to do. My honey says if we were rich I would be one of those women that get mad and make a man broke. Literally!!! My fix for any issue used to be shopping. When I say SHOPPING, I mean it. I could find a way to shop every day of the week. During lunch, after picking up the kids. I could be going to get groceries and come home with 4 pair of shoes, 2 bags, and 5 outfits and he just think I got groceries. But for a long time shopping was my fix. Sometimes I would come out of a store a say to myself, “this is not what came to do”. But do you think I walked back in the store and returned a damn thing. NO! And whoever created online shopping broke the bank.

But here is the kicker. I would get home and literally look like I was casing the place just to sneak in my sins. I would hide bags in other bags. Take shoes out of boxes and put them in my purse. Or wait until he went out or was in the shower and bring everything in and throw it in the back of my closet.
Terrible, right. But I knew I was wrong and didn’t want to be confronted because then I would have to admit I was wrong. But someway somehow I knew I had to stop.

At some points in our relationship my communication was not that great. And shopping was how I dealt with any thing i did not want to discuss. But even though I went and bought those shoes it still did not take care of the root of the issue. It was soo bad that I took on credit cards and loans to feed the habit, which made things worse.

The day that I got fed up with myself is when I broke down and poured out my heart. I was beating up on myself for decisions I made and did not think all the way through. And dwelling in it was hurting myself and my family. You know the saying if you tell little lies big ones are to follow. Well that made me feel guilty hiding and sneaking clothes because if I’m lying about that I can’t expect different from him. Sometimes you have to look at your actions and say enough is enough.

Happy I’ve kicked that habit! Not only for me but for my family. Sacrifice is a part of life,so is Growth. Now we discuss our budget and I any extra purchases affecting it. Wow, look at how we’ve grown.

Do you have habits that hurt your relationship? Are you willing to let them go?

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