The past few weeks have been rough for me. But through it all I was able to realize how thankful one should be to just breathe another day. To wake up and see my children’s faces, to know that I will go home to my family regardless to our judgements, our disagreements and or wants that interfere with our needs.
Two weeks ago I was rushed to the hospital at 6:30am via ambulance. Had I been sick… No! Did I know what was wrong… No! I woke up at 5:30am like every work day. Got the kids washed dressed and ready for school. I shower while my oldest packs up lunches and they eat breakfast. The kids continued downstairs as usual and I proceed to the shower. I close the door and get a piercing cramp in my stomach. I’m thinking here she comes, the beginning of my period (the Cracken). But the cramp gets worse, I sit on the toilet to deal with the pain and now I can’t move my legs and I’m sweating profusely. I called my son to wake his dad and after that my family had to fill in the blanks.
Thankful 1- Thank God for signs from our body to say something is wrong
My honey road with me in the ambulance. They asked me questions, like my name, address and medical allergies. We get to the hospital and he immediately starts filling out the paperwork without asking me a single thing. This was a PROUD of him moment. Why? Because I Love my Boo to death but he gets frustrated in situations where they keep asking you for the same stuff but they ain’t tellin you nothing. And sometimes he ain’t too polite with it, but this day he held his composure. My mom got the kids and took them to school because as they say my babies were traumatized from seeing me passed out like that. My son even said ” after the ambulance came, he was just waiting for someone to tell him his mom died”. (HURT MY HEART) And my daughter was mad at the bathroom because she thought the toilet did something to me. (Hell Naw we not back pedaling on this potty thing) But grandma had a good talk with them and they went on to have outstanding days in school.
Thankful 2- My Honey kept his cool to ensure my stretcher wasn’t hoisted out on the curb with me on it.
About 3 hours in to registration, blood work, my mom comes to the hospital so Honey can go to work. He wanted to stay but I told him to go ahead cause when he doesn’t work he doesn’t get paid. Plus if we were gonna be there all day, sooner than later his attitude from waiting would be in full effect.
Thankful 3- Thank you Grandma for helping my babies refocus and honey to keep his cool, while deep inside they all were losing their minds wondering what’s wrong.
So 15 minutes after my mom arrives a nurse comes in and says “your blood work came back and you are pregnant..Congratulations!” And walks out the room. My mother looked like she wanted to sock her in the mouth, only because a happy pregnancy DOES NOT include cramping and passing out.
We talked for a few minutes as we waited for the doctor. Yeah, I cried!
Because I LOVE MY CHILDREN and no wouldn’t mind adding another to the bunch. But I just started getting over health issues from my last pregnancy. This was my main concern. It’s not selfish because I want to be the best mom I can be for the two that I have.
Thankful 4- Thank God for being able to be honest with myself and know my limits.
The Doctor comes in to take me to get an ultrasound done. That ultrasound turns into 3 and a pelvic exam that took about 45 minutes. Especially because the are pushing and poking while I’m still in pain. I ask the technician what she saw and if anything was wrong, her response, “I need to talk to the doctor”. She wheels me back to my room and a few minutes later, the doctor arrives. They put a call in to an OB/GY surgeon who was headed there to consult with me about my options. They put me on an IV and monitor my pain. I was then diagnosed around 1pm with an ectopic pregnancy. For those that don’t know, this means the fetus decided to form and grow in my Fallopian tube, which if not caught and ruptures could kill you.
Thankful 5- Thank God for Thankful 1 again and my ultrasound technician moving her feet to find the doctor.
Now we are still waiting for the surgeon to get there but it’s getting close to the kids getting out of school. This also was the big day for my son’s end of the season soccer tournament and we were amped up for this before I got sick, so I be dayum if my baby is missing his game. So my middle big sis comes to stay with me while Grandma gets the kiddies and heads to the game to cheer him on. As me and my sister sit in my room waiting…all there is to do is crack jokes. My nurses name was Sukie and my crazy ass in the hospital whispering “Sookie” like I’m Bill in True Blood. She’s checking tweets and Instagram and I barely want to deal with my phone due to severe pain in my right hand. The surgeon comes and proceeds to explain my options and what they need to do. Some of the things discussed totally had us shocked at how far we have come with technology. A decision was made and as I was medicated and told on 3 occasions that I would be discharged. Then my nurse came back saying well we’ve decided to monitor you for another hour. Well I’ve been in the hospital from 6:30 that morning and at that time it was about 7:00pm. I had been poked, pulled, and prodded and not even offered a glass of water. Now due to them pushing back my discharge, I receive a 1 piece of meat, no cheese, 1 piece of lettuce, 1 tomato, dry ass turkey sandwich. It was pitiful but I was starving so I ate it. My sister laughed me out about trying to turn that piece of a sandwich into something worth eating. The funniest part of the night was that when they actually came to discharge me, my exit gear was a dayum mess. Now 3 people have rotated shifts to make sure I was okay. I literally was half dressed when I was taking out in the ambulance. So my sister says get dressed and I bust out laughing, regardless to my pain. I had my sweatpants on, my night shirt with no bra, my slippers, a warm towel that was put around me to absorb the sweat so I wouldn’t catch cold and a blanket they wrapped around me from my couch. Nobody could bring me clothes, a bra, some draws, my coat. I was a mess but ready for this nightmare to be over.
Thankful 6- Thank God for my family, my sisters, my support system because its strong on all ends.
Well the nightmare was nowhere near over. From that day forward for two weeks I found myself in and out of the hospital. My blood levels were rising and the medication was not doing a thing. Two days before Thanksgiving I’m back in the hospital. The doctors were concerned and needed me to come back in for a second assessment, blood work and medication. I was pissed because all that day I was waiting for the doctor to deliver good news and it wasn’t good. I ended up needing a second dosage of medication that would remove the fetus from my Fallopian tube. The nurse had to put on 3 cover ups and two pair if gloves to administer my meds. After research and asking more questions because the medicine made me sick, we find out that what I have been given twice is a form of Kemo. Yes, Kemo as in cancer. This concerned me because I’m praying that it has no long term effects on my health. But just so you ladies know this is how they treat an ectopic pregnancy. Not happy with this but happy I did not have to endure surgery.
Thankful 7- Thank God they have found better ways to treat this type of pregnancy. Doctors used to have to do surgery to remove the fetus or take your tube.
Today I went for my final labs. I pray that everything has passed and I can work on recovery. Even though my physical has yet to heal, my emotions are fully in tact. I even sat down and explained everything to my son. My daughter does not really understand but my big boy picks up on everything. I never want him to think I kept something from him. This is one thing my mom did that I wish she didn’t. As a child you think your parents are super heroes but sometimes children need to know and see that vulnerability to understand they are human too. I’m not perfect and I make mistakes but I’m thankful for those too because they have help make me who I am.
Thankful 8- Thank God for my life lessons because they make me stronger, smarter, and keep my faith high. I knew this was a test of my faith because I endured pain, fear, hurt, regret, love, and acceptance all in a few days. My pain was excruciating but I got through it. My family and friends stood by me, my office prayed for me, and I prayed for myself. I prayed to be able to go home and say I LOVE YOU! To tell my babies how proud I am of them. To cuddle and watch movies, to kiss their boo boos, to argue, to yell, to breathe.
I AM STILL HERE!!! Sooooo Thankful for that.