Couples Session

Relationships and Love

Spread LOVE

I am a lover of all things Love! I Love Kisses, Hugs, compliments, love games, love songs, poems, and small actions of affection. My babe says “Valentines Day is a woman’s holiday.” I beg to differ! A Valentine can be any and everybody. I have never been one to focus on just my significant other for Valentine’s Day. Valentine’s Day to me is a day to spread Love to everyone. My kids took their treats and Valentine’s for their teachers and classmates.

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I did Cupcakes for the office.

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All because you never know who is lacking love on this special day. So I’m sharing the wealth. My Love is not limited.
I wish you all LOVE on good and bad days. Here is a Hug from me if nobody else hugs you.

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Here’s a kiss for just being you

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If we spread more love there will be more peace! I Thank God for showing me how to love unconditionally. To all of you be loved, accept love, show love, LIVE LOVE!!!!

I’m surrounded by Love, covered in Love and making my Love Work!!! Look at me glowing because I’m covered in it. Have a LOVELY day!!!

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SPREAD LOVE! HAPPY VALENTINE’S DAY!

Categories: Couples Session, Holiday Edition | 1 Comment

Knowing When to Know Him

Last weekend, we enjoyed watching my great Redskins beat up on the Cowboys. Yes, this is die hard Redskin Country over here. We route for our home team! Anyway we watched the game over family members house and as we ordered food… Knowing When to take charge came up. The first call was made to Pizza Boli’s. The employee over the phone tells me they are out of wings. As I proceed to relay the message to a house full of intoxicated, rowdy redskins fans and tell the person on the line thank you but never mind. My honey says ” What?, WTH they a wing and pizza place and run out of wings. Thats some Bullshit” He had a point and it was funny but we knew who wasn’t going to be handling the food order.
Next I called Dominoes and placed an order for delivery. Everything went smooth and my wait time was 45 minutes. Well as we reach the hour mark, everybody is asking about the food. I proceeded to tell my honey to call back and inquire about the order and STOPPED dead in my tracks.

Let’s think…..Hmmm, he’s been drinking for about an hour and he’s still hesitant about the game. Oh hell no. “Never mind, I will call! Do not get on the phone.” I know when he needs to take a backseat because the outcome of him calling and me calling flashed through my mind and were totally different. If he calls to check on the food either they will cancel the order, take longer, never deliver there again or something is going to be terribly wrong with our food. If I call we may get a partial refund or a complimentary extra because of our patience.

Then when I called back, I just so happen to get stuck with the most nonchalant, slow talking, bamma in the world. Picture talking to the teacher from South Park, mmmkay. Here is a recap of the conversation:

Dominos: “Thank you for calling Dominos, How may I help you”
Me: ” Yes, I placed an order about an hour ago and checking on the delivery status”
Dominos: What address?
Me: 25 Kockey Street
Dominos: Yep that order is out for delivery. Hol Up, let me call the driver. Teresa is bringing that order.
Me: OK…….1 min later
Dominos: Your order should be there soon. Where you live at again?
Me: Huh?
Dominos: Where is that on Kockey Street cause I live on Kockey Street
Me: Near the end (irritated voice), can I get an update on my delivery
Dominos: I’m sorry ma’am I was just asking, your driver should be pullin up, Thank you for your patience

Food came a few minutes later. Nice and simple.

Here is what the conversation would have sounded like if I let him handle it:

Dominos: “Thank you for calling Dominos, How may I help you”
Ru: “You can help me by telling me why it’s taking so damn long for my food to get hear” You said 40 minutes and its been 60, I don’t appreciate this shit!”
Dominos: Excuse Me Sir, we are busy and what address is this for?
Ru: “Man, I gotta give you the address again when I’m calling you from the same number. I know the address show up if the number in your system. This is some bull, y’all playing with people food.”
Dominos: Where you live on Kockey Street?
Ru: “You threatening me? What you and your Domino thugs gonna show up at my house. This ain’t even my house. Where’s my food?”

Just an example of how the whole conversation goes south after a few drinks and no food. And if I would have let him handle it, there would have been alot of hungry and angry people. But I knew when to take charge.

This situation for us comes up in several scenarios, especially dealing with people with a lack of customer service. (Almost everywhere nowadays)

HIM

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ME

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Categories: Couples Session | 1 Comment

All This Love

This weekend was sooo wonderful. After school the kids were off to their grandparents house on Friday. Whoop Whoop!!! I really needed this break. Work has been crazy and I was able to do some overtime and catch up on things. Which to me is great, cause I’m still making money and double at that. But I still had to get home and get some rest because I would be waking up early heading to the Amish Market. One of my very close friends is getting married at the end of the month, and I had to prepare a fruit platter and salad for her bridal shower. That fruit looked soo fresh and colorful. I swear the longer I stood there waiting to be served the more fruit I wanted to buy. The Bridal Shower turned out beautiful. I really enjoyed my afternoon of good friends, good food, and good laughs. I really feel blessed that she asked me to be a part of her special day. Relationships are a lot of work and either you are willing to do your part or step away. Her and her fiancé are beautiful people with great hearts that deserve the best. They understand what it takes and their roles to make it work.

This brings me to why my weekend was so marvelous. Leaving the bridal shower, I text my honey to see how work/his day was going. He IMMEDIATELY responded with “Headed to home, Want to go on a date?”
It was pretty late and I was going back in for more overtime on Sunday, so we decided to chill at one of our game day spots, Buffalo Wild Wings. It wasn’t a dressed up sexy date but it was an amazing evening. My baby pulled out my chair, he ordered my food (salad, since he’s worried about my BP), we watched football, we cracked jokes, we laughed, we held hands across the table as we talked about our dreams and goals for our family. Something we hadn’t done in a long time. And in that moment, I remembered why I Love him so much. This is something I chastise him about not doing enough. But when it’s right, it’s Right! We got home and cuddled and watched a movie and he helped me start preparing for Fric and Frac’s return. Sunday morning I got up to head in to work. As I was about to leave, he woke up to say “I Love You, even though I don’t want you to go, I want you to have a nice day. I will finish cleaning up.” For him, that’s outstanding because Sunday is his only day off. Not just that, Sunday is football day in our house. Most people Sunday is for The Lord. We praise The Lord, but after 12 the only Lord you gonna hear is pissed off at holding, flags on plays, or defense just all over the place. But this Sunday my honey re-embraced his multi- tasking skills. I got home from work and was pleased that he had rearranged our whole bedroom. And because of all his hard work to ensure I was happy, it also freed me up while the kids were gone to get my hair done and reorganize my closet. Such a relaxing and productive weekend. Now I’m back on my mommy grind.

How was your long weekend? How do you rekindle the fire in your relationship?

Categories: Couples Session, Uncategorized | 1 Comment

Being Happy Being You

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Last week our BLM Founder Leslie Hendricks Young posed a question about what type of teasing you want to shield your kids from or help them understand. Right now dealing with my kids there are two things that come to mind. Loving Yourself and Being Yourself.

This weekend as my 3 year old pranced around the house in my shoes, I realized how much I want her to love herself and never be influenced by what others think. When I look at her, she’s built like me. A 3 year old with thick legs, hips, a booty and solid as a rock. Thick hair, full of personality, and just as happy as she wants to be.

When I was around 5 I became self conscious about wearing skirts cause boys used to look up my dress. They joked that I had baseball bat legs because my calfs were so thick. And from there the self esteem issues began. I don’t think I put a skirt back on until I was 16, unless I was forced.

I want her to own and wear her confidence and love for self until the wheels fall off. She already has a sense of style and if she could, she would rock that bush to school. But who knows what would come back home in it. Lol

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Now my son is very sensitive and loving. Although as he’s getting older he tries putting on this hard exterior. I really want him to never lose being sensitive, loving and considerate. This is something too many men fight or hide because they feel it makes you less of a man. To me, a man being in touch with his feelings is better than a man not dealing with his feelings at all. We all have to learn to balance our male and female energy. There is nothing wrong with showing emotion and being true about your feelings. So I pray that growing older and peer pressure doesn’t make him change who he is.

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“Making the decision to have a child is momentous. It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking around outside your body.” Elizabeth Stone

Categories: Couples Session | 6 Comments

Same Page

Last week was a doozy! But we also made a Great Accomplishment

For 9 years my son has been the apple of my eye. We are close and I Love him to death. But he has started to test the waters of wanting an ass whipping. Not a talking to, not a spanking, not a pop, A CHIN CHECK. And its not because he’s a bad kid at all. He doesn’t cuss or say bad things. He just can be rude and smart mouth. Anytime I tell him to do something there is a why? A what? Or an Awwww Man. Then I say something else and he mumbles and pouts.

Wednesday was the first day of school for him. He couldn’t sleep because he was excited. He woke up, and did pretty good with his timing in the bathroom. He got dressed… And here comes the disconnect. He came downstairs with his backpack his lunch box and no shoes or socks on. I look at him with a side eye and he says, “OH!”

He drops his bags on the couch and heads back up the stairs. LOUD as HECK, mind you the rest of the house is still sleep. I’m packing his lunch and he comes back downstairs. I try to make him feel good during the day by putting sweet notes in his lunch box. We get to school on time and he sees his friends and is excited. Well I pick him up after school and see another parent walking to the bus stop. I ask if they want a ride home. We get to their house and of course they ask of the kids can come in and play for a minute. I agree but specifically tell J to leave his book bag in the car. Why? Because I know how quick we forget what’s important. Hence our nickname for him at home “Memory Lapse”.

We stay for an hour and head home. When we get home I notice J is taking a long time to get out of the car. I call his name and he gets out pouting, “I can’t find my book bag.” At this point I want to have a Homer and Bart moment. I immediately get on the phone and where is his bookbag, exactly where it shouldn’t have been. So he would have to wait til Thursday to get his book bag inclusive of his homework. Next I made him write a letter to his teacher taking responsibility for his actions and explaining that he would complete all homework the next day. Well the next day comes and I make sure we go straight home so that he can start on homework. Time is flying as I prepare dinner, work on Ryanns flash cards and attend to some business. So I call Jayden downstairs to ask where he is on his homework and he explains that he’s almost done. I ask him to let me review what he had completed so far and I circled areas that needed correction. He goes back upstairs and now it’s 9:00, which is bed time. So I just happen to go upstairs to see if he needed help with the last bit of homework and what do I see. This little boy run across his room and slide into his desk because he saw me coming up the stairs. He was playing with some toys on the other side of his room. As soon as I started to lecture, who comes up the steps….Daddy. Now this is day two of school but J has been giving off a whole lot of attitude lately and this was the straw that broke the camel’s back. Daddy asked me what happened, then kindly asked me to step out. All I heard was lay on the bed and I grabbed Ry and headed down the steps. Crying and screams followed. I had to let it happen. 9 years and never even a pop from daddy. But I knew it was coming. He tried to hold out for soo long but baby boy is feeling himself. Then because he lied before he got his spanking daddy told him to go to bed with no dinner. This made me cringe. As my honey makes his way downstairs, I’m trying to figure out how I can sneak my baby some food. So I asked if he felt like going to fill up my tank so I wouldn’t have to go to the gas station in the morning. He gladly obliged, but as he walked out the house I had to think about my actions. Now if the tables were turned, I would lay him out for going behind my back after disciplining the kids, so why do it to him. I decided not to sneak J any food because it’s not like my kids ever miss a meal. It hurt my heart but it was his lesson. I think I was more so excited about the fact that Daddy and I were on the “Same Page”. I have been the bad guy (disciplinarian) to my kids for the past 9 years. He tolerates everything and I tolerate very little. Now that they know daddy has my back and won’t pacify them, changes are a happening. J had a water bottle by his bed that not to curb his hunger and the next day had a brand new attitude.

Categories: Couples Session | 5 Comments

Balancing Act-No Neglect

Everyday I feel like I’m playing tug of war. I wake up and the voices in my head remind me of the “Hey Mon”skits from The Wayans Brothers “In Living Color”.
“How many job you got? I got 12 job mon.”(in my Damon Wayans voice)

I get the kids together in the morning and take them to their prospective locations. This process starts between 5:00am/5:30am. I work a full day to leave work in enough time to pick one up by 5:00pm and the other by 6:00pm. My honey works evenings and usually does not get home until the kids are off to bed or later. Somedays it used to bother me but I had to realize support goes both ways.

I am thankful that he works to help support our family. Even though our QT is cut short, I know that I can depend on him. Although I can’t have my QT when I want I never go here….. “You only have time for yourself and the kids”. This is what I got hit with last week out of nowhere. Now I know this didn’t come from nowhere but don’t us mothers get cut any slack.

I am working, helping with homework, breaking out arts and crafts and DIY projects, going bowling, hitting the pool, working out, doing school shopping, braiding hair, blogging, writing my articles, handling all annual appointments and cooking almost Sunday dinner for this family everyday. But where I messed up last week was everyday he would come home and I’m up, then 5 minutes later….. OUT. Not just dozing off….out like coma toast. Sometimes in my sexy night gown all oiled and smelling good with candles lit, which makes it worse.

Most of the week went by without me up to listen to how his day was or to joke a little bit. Him trying to tickle me where I laugh and choke half to death. And even though I knew he was upset it made me feel good to know he cared. All Saturday as we did things around the house, he’s singing old love songs. I hear Faith Evans”Love don’t live hear anymore”, Dru Hill “Tell Me”, Lauren Hill / Deangelo “Nothing Matters”. I was dying laughing on the inside because he would get louder as he got closer to me. So yesterday I put aside 3 hours just for me and my boo.

I know our household can get hectic and I try to make sure everyone gets my attention. So from this I have decided to put myself to bed when I put the kids to bed. When daddy gets home I should have gotten a nice nap in to spend some extra quality time with him. And every two weeks, we will be having a date night. We had our date nights scheduled for once a month but we talk more about it than actually doing it. I have even enlisted Fric and Frac to assist. Every month Fric and Frac will host date night #1 inclusive of a menu and entertainment. After that Superwoman will coordinate date #2. Whatever it takes for the Sappy Jukebox singing in my house to subside.

How do you balance your many roles? Ever fall asleep during romance?

Categories: Couples Session | 1 Comment

Tag you’re it

This was last nights post. Of course I fell asleep before publishing cause these kids wear me out. Enjoy!

I’m laying back dying laughing at my crazy family. Today is one of those rare weekdays that the kids get to see daddy before bed. And on these days he takes responsibility for bedtime. Bedtime in our house can take from 20 minutes to 2 hours depending on the evenings issues. Sometimes he forgets how much work it is for me to keep this operation in line. That’s why it’s so funny that tonight was a 2 hour Fric and Frac Medley. J is taking way too long to shower because he can’t get his face out of a Diary of a Wimpy Kid book (reading on the toilet with the shower running). Then he wants to make his bed at 9:00 so that he can make up points he lost this morning on ChoreMonster. Great iPhone App if I might add.

Oh yeah and every night our kids expect dessert. So it’s the we didn’t get dessert tonight complaint. So while he’s reprimanding J, Ry is playing in the sink after brushing her teeth, dancing and playing dress up in her room and going up and down the steps until she draws attention. Then she needs her ointment for mosquito bites, her music on, her allergy medicine, her fan on and maybe her last potty trip. But sometimes these things turn into any excuse to stay up a little longer. He has walked these steps 6 times cause that little girl, that little girl. Lmao!

He thought he finally got them
settled and we hear, “Mommy?” at the top of the steps. He says “tag you’re it” and disappears into our bedroom. I decided to assist.

I know his good night is not as thorough as mine, although he tries. But before we get to the top of the steps I can hear her bedtime music, which means its too loud. He let her read a book and didn’t make her put it back. Hence the book on her bed as she sleeps, uncomfortable. The night shirt she’s tugging at is too small. SMH, daddy attention to details is everything. Which way they sleep, what cover they have, what stuffed animal, position of the doors shadow the list goes on. But he knew when to tap out. Lol

Categories: Couples Session, Parenting/The Kids | 1 Comment

Free Love

Love is a word that I think nowadays gets thrown around lightly. People say it but with no follow up action to prove it. This is where the breakdown in our relationships start. My man is always telling me that we as women over think what guys want. But I think this is the case on both ends. For example, I went away on my beach vacation the past weekend and upon my return he washed all the clothes, took our son to get his hair cut, helped him complete all his homework, spent quality time with our children, changed the sheets on our bed and even had a nice dinner waiting for me. Which to me is a GREAT welcome back gift. I couldn’t stop smiling from ear to ear as he gave me a long welcome home embrace and whispered “your presence was missed” in my ear. All of these things are what keep most women happy. The little things, the things that matter. This means everything he accomplished over the weekend has prepared our family for a smooth start to our school and work week. Which also helps me to relax and focus on quality time with the family. Even though he had an attitude before I left, I can dismiss that with the fact the he proved his love and commitment to me and our family by doing these simple things while I was away that keep our regular routine smooth.Yes, these are things that to some should be automatic. But for most it’s rare. And mine did all this without a car since we have the one. I’m saying all this to say express gratitude for the little things. Appreciate the small steps as well as the big. Free Love is the best gift you can ever give. Free Love can mean a lot of things but I’m talking about anything to help your partner free up time for themselves. Time is money so it’s nothing for you to spend. Take her clothes to the cleaners when she forgets, take care of a bill without her knowing, wash the dishes, mop the floor, complete a diy home improvement project she’s been hinting about, iron the kids clothes for the week, give her a nice body massage etc. Free Love is the best Love!!!

Do something sweet and simple for your significant other. It makes you feel good and makes them feel good about you too.

Categories: Couples Session | 1 Comment

WooHoo! Beach Weekend

We have hit summers midway point and it’s about time for a road trip. Girls weekend!!!

This weekend me and some of my girls are headed to Virginia Beach for a relaxing girls trip. No kids, no men, no drama, no judgement. I can’t wait for the conversations, the laughs, the debates and a nice glass of something spiked on the beach. More than anything I’m excited to hit the beach. I love water! I go to the pool at least 3 times a week with the kids and usually I’m on mommy duty. Ryann thinks she can swim just like the adults and can’t even doggy paddle. So my eyes have to stay on her at all times. Now I can swim and breathe knowing I don’t have to be watching someone else. I can’t wait to tan my whole body. Because I love getting a beautiful dark tan in the summer time. And even though it’s a weekend vacation I’m planning on doing loads of exciting things in this fun filled trip (ie. parasailing, jet skiing, clubbing, maybe even kayaking with dolphins).

It’s funny because as I prepare for vacation, honey still has the kids and some household responsibilities to take care of. Even though my mind is already on the beach, I decided to do some home prepping to help out before I leave. Grocery list is prepared along with coupons and sales paper, laundry will be done, picked up snacks and treats for the kids for when I’m gone and even created a homemade project they can enjoy with dad. I just pray he is preparing himself. I can already see his mood changing the closer it gets. Good Grief! I’ll be gone for two days and I have faith he can handle everything. So I’m getting my shades, my sandals, my portable iPhone charger, and hitting the road. Working on my iTunes playlist now. Have a Fabulous Weekend Dolls! Believe me some of the convo from this weekend may end up on here. Hahaha! I can’t wait. Toodles.

Any songs or suggestions for my beach soundtrack? Any recommendations of what to do?

Categories: Couples Session | 2 Comments

Habits of the Heart

Last night as I reorganized my closet, we laughed and joked about things I used to do. My honey says if we were rich I would be one of those women that get mad and make a man broke. Literally!!! My fix for any issue used to be shopping. When I say SHOPPING, I mean it. I could find a way to shop every day of the week. During lunch, after picking up the kids. I could be going to get groceries and come home with 4 pair of shoes, 2 bags, and 5 outfits and he just think I got groceries. But for a long time shopping was my fix. Sometimes I would come out of a store a say to myself, “this is not what came to do”. But do you think I walked back in the store and returned a damn thing. NO! And whoever created online shopping broke the bank.

But here is the kicker. I would get home and literally look like I was casing the place just to sneak in my sins. I would hide bags in other bags. Take shoes out of boxes and put them in my purse. Or wait until he went out or was in the shower and bring everything in and throw it in the back of my closet.
Terrible, right. But I knew I was wrong and didn’t want to be confronted because then I would have to admit I was wrong. But someway somehow I knew I had to stop.

At some points in our relationship my communication was not that great. And shopping was how I dealt with any thing i did not want to discuss. But even though I went and bought those shoes it still did not take care of the root of the issue. It was soo bad that I took on credit cards and loans to feed the habit, which made things worse.

The day that I got fed up with myself is when I broke down and poured out my heart. I was beating up on myself for decisions I made and did not think all the way through. And dwelling in it was hurting myself and my family. You know the saying if you tell little lies big ones are to follow. Well that made me feel guilty hiding and sneaking clothes because if I’m lying about that I can’t expect different from him. Sometimes you have to look at your actions and say enough is enough.

Happy I’ve kicked that habit! Not only for me but for my family. Sacrifice is a part of life,so is Growth. Now we discuss our budget and I any extra purchases affecting it. Wow, look at how we’ve grown.

Do you have habits that hurt your relationship? Are you willing to let them go?

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